Furryfield
by firefox b
Summary: A comic parody of the movie, "Cloverfield," with its gigantic monster cryptid and throw-away human characters.


**Furryfield** by ff_b

(Note: Video is property of the U.S. government. Do not copy, or we'll go medieval on your ass.)

The group of insipid, self-absorbed twenty-somethings were having a farewell party for one of their number in a fashionable high-rise apartment building in Manhattan when a muffled explosion came, driving them to a television screen where they learned that a tanker had capsized in New York harbor; an earthquake was suspected.

"Perhaps we can see something from the rooftop!," reasoned one of their number in a moment of rare clarity. Like lemmings they stampeded to the building roof, where they beheld an explosion in the city distance.

"Some strange shit is going on!," shouted another. "We gotta get out of here!- What's safer than the streets of New York City?"

Thinking that sounded like a plan, the human lemmings again stampeded to the streets below, where within moments the head of the Statue of Liberty flew through the air and skidded to a halt, probably voiding the statue's warranty from the French. Then again, most guys don't mind some french head...

"I'm recording this all on my camcorder so people will know how it all came down," declared one of the twenty-somethings in all earnestness.

In the background, some huge _thing_ was observed moving its ponderous bulk between high-rise buildings and making unpleasant noises. It looked like some kind of giant crustacean sans shell and minus the butter sauce, and people were dying big time and even being eaten.

"What the hell is that?," asked one of the party-goers on the street.

"It's a _thing_...some terrible_ thing_, answered a peer, demonstrating their profound command of the English language.

"We gotta get outta here," remarked another, offering a more useful observation. So the group of twenty-somethings took to the Brooklyn Bridge, which the unseen but noisy monster capsized, mercifully killing some of their number but unfortunately not the camera-bearer, whose jerky, cinema verite recordings had by this point made all observers of his film nauseous. The surviving twenty-somethings wisely took to the subways, where they observed every rat in the place running in the same direction away from something. The twenty-somethings had seen enough horror movies to realize that this did not bode well when large spidery-things broke through the subway ceilings and cast themselves at the twenty-somethings, piercing one of them them with nasty mandibles and in general ruining their carefully-maintained appearance.

"What are these?," asked a female of their number regarding the spidery-things.

"Something else, also terrible!," answered a male succinctly. The women always went all to pieces when attack by unknown species of mysterious origin. "Maybe it came from the depths of a crevasse in the ocean, or maybe it flew here from another world," he speculated. He had seen all of the monster movies in his youth, and this seemed to fit such a scenario.

The spidery thing was beaten senseless with a convenient iron bar, but had left nasty gouges on the back of the one female. When the group blundered into some military-types shortly thereafter, they were taken to a field hospital and command center where the gouged female announced that she wasn't feeling well, and as if to demonstrate that point, exploded. With their numbers continuing to drop, the dwindling group of twenty-somethings were herded by soldier-types into helicopters to be evacuated while the military continued to battle the very large, clearly in need of restraint crustacean. In reality, they only seemed to make the crustacean mad by their efforts, as he was able to swipe the helicopter from the sky even after being whacked with a large bomb.

Staggering about the remains of Central Park with their movie camera still miraculously functional, the remaining twenty-something survivors managed to meet up with the irate giant crustacean, who reared himself up to his full height before pulping yet more of them, really despising their video camera as it wasn't complimentary to his arthropod limbs, and made him appear to move funny.

With more lives than Bin Laden, a couple of remaining twenty-somethings took refuge under a low bridge, running their video camera until the end, which came when the military enacted the Hammer Down protocol, nuking Manhattan back into the stone age. The video camera or at least its recordings remained functional enough to be later acquired by the U.S. government, proving that the Japanese really know how to build quality electronics!

_(A sequel may come to pass, and perhaps in it we'll see a gigantic bunny rabbit!)_


End file.
